Blood-Lace

When the world stops being naked before me, I'll stop smoking and stop drinking and stop crying so damn much. I've never known what to do with my body or my hands, have never seen love except in boys and men and in the eyes of my mother when she lost me at the crossroads of seventeen. What am I to do, what am I to ask for, when nothing has ever slaughtered me. I'd rather burn myself alive, I think, than make someone believe in something I'm not. I'm haunted and narcissistic but I would love you if you'd let me, and my love is a crime, committed.

I've fallen in flames seen god in your face offered what I do not own as open and unrepentant sacrifice. I'll never again know the words for apologies. Never breathe the same air that I breathed there on your bed in your prayers. Fall out of my body, I shall... fall out of my own sweating skin. Into the pirouettes of your Victorian mirror your smell of creation your blessed undressed shamefaced mind. Miss me in days miss me in twenty years when I have bled into the pen and onto the bathroom floor. - You'll find me somewhere, someday, somehow. You'll find me and smile and you will still know the shape of my paral

I want you to teach me lessons about god with your hands on my waist your lips to my throat your grandmother's borrowed books strewn across my bedroom floor. Break me. I can learn to be patient. I can learn to swallow my wicked thoughts at breakfast time. I've been a bad girl for my entire little life so show me what you've got. Please- Hit me with your best shot.

I'd follow you anywhere I'd drink myself stupid I'd never forget you I'm following you as fast as I can. This is where I fall apart when I want this so bad it's constricting my breathing when my feet are too sore to stand on but I'm… hissing like a snake in a wine bottle, and my mind is running like a rabbit in a trap. I tell you to pull my hair because I hate myself. I'm all tears and roses, darling, so pour yourself a drink, drive yourself home.

I like fucking with punctuation because it can have such open-ended desperation, leave off a period and I can leave each one of you hanging on a cliff made of unanswered questions: what happens, what happens, what happens next

I pictured you on a plane over the ocean, and started to cry.