literature

Sorry, Love

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Literature Text

I smell of the ocean
and miss being high,
and I cannot say for sure
that I love you any more.

Somewhere alone the way,
I think my feelings shifted
towards new horizons
and new names,
new hands, like yours,
but stranger.

I have dreamt of every boy but you
for the past nine nights,
and I have played chess
with the devil for a few
grains of truth.

The glass orb of my imaginings
has shattered, my mind has expanded
whole universes wide,
my heart has left your hands
in a flurry of wings
and smooth beach stones.

And I am in agony
as I write this.
I am bleeding through the pen,
gouging out my own flesh
with each letter,
but I do not know you anymore,
or rather,
I know you too well.

It aches to say it,
but I woke this morning
and realized
I no longer need you.

I am stretching my hand out,
palm open for anyone to grasp,
waiting some unknown lover
to seduce me from you.

Though it kills me to do it,
I am euthanizing us;
sliding knives across the wrist
of "you and I,"
all in the name of the greater good.

I know what this will do to you,
and I am not sure I will ever sleep again,
but if I do not let you go
I will surely die out,
and drag you down with me in the process.

Darling, I cannot do that.
You deserve better from the universe
than that bad hand.

I am sleeping under paper sheets now,
scrawled over in every lie
I ever told you,
and I am burning down from the inside out,
sick with sin and despising
what I have done.

I only hope that someday
you can hate me
as much as I hate myself.

I pray that you never forgive me,
that you think of me with anger and disgust
and never once wish you had me back.
You can have bright eyes and open hearts,
beautiful girls with gentler minds.

You can sail from me,
through sun and cloudscapes,
and be all the better for it.
I will be the only one to suffer any loss.

Go from me and find your music,
your freedom,
your silver pocket watches
and the graves you're stuck looking for.

The world will open before you
and give you anything you ask for,
if you ask long and loud enough.

You can have anything you desire,
as long as you don't desire me.
This hits as close to home as anything.

And I'm still confused.
© 2011 - 2024 Blood-Lace
Comments7
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:'( Totally know this feeling, and I'm sorry if you're going through it. I hope you remember that I'm around if you ever want to talk. Beautifully written as always, though.